Russell Wilson Says God Hates The Packers, Sorry Heathens
Okay, so maybe Seattle Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson didn’t specifically say anything about who God hates, he’s just way too positive to frame it that way. Seriously, we’re talking about a guy who speaks almost entirely in upbeat cliches that work much better as ridiculous motivational posters than actual human words.
Wilson doesn’t have to say God hate anyone, because it’s plainly implied by so much of what he does say. Following the Seahawks stunning comeback against the Green Bay Packers in the NFC Championship, he said the following to Sports Illustrated’s Peter King:
“That’s God setting it up, to make it so dramatic, so rewarding, so special. I’ve been through a lot in my life, and had some ups and downs. It’s what’s led me to this day.â€
As nice a guy as Wilson is, he usually comes off disturbingly narcissistic and completely lacking in self-awareness when he says stuff like that, which is a lot. How nice it must be to have the sort of confidence required to legitimately believe that God designed every minute of the NFC Championship to make it memorable for you, for your team.Â
And never mind that part where he ripped out the collective heart of Green Bay, Wis., taking the game away from them in the cruelest possible fashion, just so it would be more dramatic…and rewarding…and special for everyone in Seattle.
Forget the torn calf muscle, much higher powers have been actively conspiring against Aaron Rodgers
And never mind that God used up all his magic on Wilson that there was none left for the AFC Championship game.
God probably hates the AFC too. Not as much as he hates the Packers, but it doesn’t seem like he hates anything as much as he hates the Packers.
Wilson thanking God for everything down to the raisins in his Raisin Bran is nothing new. To say he wears his heart on his sleeve would be an understatement—maybe even the understatement to end all understatements.
Wilson’s entire Twitter account is basically him acting like God’s crazy stalker ex-girlfriend, who he knows he can totally win back if he finds just the right ratio of tears to increasingly creepy public declarations of love and devotion.
Image via Twitter: @DangeRussWilson
Image via Twitter: @DangeRussWilson
Image via Twitter: @DangeRussWilson
Image via Twitter: @DangeRussWilson
Image via Twitter: @DangeRussWilson
Image via Twitter: @DangeRussWilson
Image via Twitter: @DangeRussWilson
Image via Twitter: @DangeRussWilson
Image via Twitter: @DangeRussWilson
Image via Twitter: @DangeRussWilson
Oops! How’d that last one slip in there? Perhaps Russ had a bit too much of the sacrament at church that evening.
Anyway. I just realized that I had no other point in writing this blog post than to express my personal distaste for Russell Wilson’s over-the-top holy musings. So for that, I apologize. I expect others to write with purpose and should hold myself to the same standard.
One quick clarification for the record. I can’t stress enough how much I respect Wilson and his right to practice his religion as he sees fit—even if and when it bothers me. It’s just that I believe in a strong separation between church and football, which is where we diverge.
