Odds Say Heat Will Three-Peat, Sorry Haters

How mad does this make you?

How mad does this make you?

The Miami Heat just won their second consecutive championship by defeating the San Antonio Spurs in the NBA Finals. It was a dramatic Game 7 that never should have happened, as the Spurs had things so locked up at the end of Game 6 that Heat fans actually began to leave the building.

The sense that I’ve been getting from social media, television, and the world at-large, is that if you’re in Miami, you’re probably pretty happy about this.

If you’re in San Antonio, you’re probably pretty devastated. And if you’re anywhere else in the country, you’re probably strangely bothered by the outcome.

If you’re in Cleveland, you’re probably still feeling the irrational anger and dealing with the abandonment issues stemming from LeBron James taking his talents to South Beach. Sure “The Decision” was annoying, but it’s been three years and wouldn’t you rather be in Miami than Cleveland?

Quit lying, I’ve been to Cleveland in the winter. It’s essentially hell…frozen over. So if you’ve ever wondered what that would be like, now you have a winter vacation destination.

Even if you aren’t a basketball fan and didn’t watch a single game of the series, there’s a good chance that the Heat winning is chapping your ass—for no reason whatsoever. The only explanation I’ve come up with is that people love underdogs and Miami is your classic…overdog?

The antonym of underdog.

The antonym of underdog.

The Heat are a championship team bought and paid for, and neatly wrapped up with a lovely bow for fair weather Miami fans that many people consider to be unworthy. They’re just mad because none of their stars will agree to play for well below market value to bring them in a championship.

Which is understandable. It’s kind of weird that the Heat’s ‘Big Three’ did it. We’re always hearing about how greedy athletes are and that sports is a business, but they agreed to smaller paychecks in order to win rings together.

So be real. You only hate the ‘Big Three’ because they teamed up in Miami, instead of your city. That’s totally fine. Most MLB fans know your pain, except their players don’t even have to take a pay cut to band together—and they don’t usually even win.

The Big Three are playin' for free...just to stick it to you.

The Big Three are playin’ for free…just to stick it to you.

Whatever the situation is for all you Heat haters out there right now, I’ve got some pretty unfortunate news for you regarding the upcoming 2013-14 NBA season. Odds makers at Bovada say we might as well save some time and just award them their championship for next season right now.

Right now the Heat are 2/1 favorites to win next season. Distantly behind them are the Oklahoma City Thunder at 11/2, the Chicago Bulls at 15/2, the San Antonio Spurs at 17/2, and the Indiana Pacers at 16/1. Contrast that to the Orlando Magic and the Charlotte Bobcats who bring up the rear with 500/1 odds.

That’s just sad. I feel like we should all send Magic and Bobcats fans participation certificates just for giving a damn. Or notes encouraging them to become fans of the Heat or Thunder.

Seriously, why wouldn't you want to be a Heat fan?

Seriously, why wouldn’t you want to be a Heat fan?

Anyway! Congratulations to the Miami Heat—the odds-on favorite by far to win the NBA Championship in 2014. That really takes the mystery and meaning out of the rest of the season, but just pretend to be surprised, okay?

  • 100%