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Mark Sanchez Seriously Doesn’t Care

The way you see Mark Sanchez is VERY different than how he sees himself.

The way you see Mark Sanchez is VERY different than how he sees himself.

Like at all.

Mark Sanchez has been the quarterback of the New York Jets for most of the last four seasons. In his first two seasons in New York the team advanced to the AFC Championship game. In his last two seasons with the Jets, they’ve crashed and burned, failing (in a big way) to even make the playoffs.

Gang Green has become the laughing stock of the NFL. Coach Rex Ryan’s big mouth, slimming waistline, and controversial tattoo have all made for increasingly entertaining headlines. Not to mention the fact that his foot fetish was outed in the mostly stunningly public fashion possible in December 2010.

The Tim Tebow experiment was a bust—which is putting it mildly. It was more like a head-on collision we all saw coming and were unable to avert our collective gaze, so instead we just stared and made jokes about it. Jeez, we’re all terrible people.

Even Tebow himself, usually uncomfortably optimistic about everything, had lost his serene smile and ability to put a positive spin on the situation by the end of the 2012 season. It was literally quite jarring to see Tebow struggle to give even the vaguest, mildly positive comments after awhile.

The locker room has been in full-on meltdown mode for most of the last two seasons, with players routinely reaching out to the press anonymously to air their grievances. The Jets are terrible, they all seem to hate each other, and there’s no serious indication that’s going to change anytime soon.

That being said, over the last four years, even when the team was winning, no Jets player has been subjected to the type of brutally negative publicity onslaught that Sanchez has endured—perhaps no player in the entire NFL. He received very little credit for early success and has shouldered the brunt of the blame for their recent failures.

He's still making celebrity friends though!

He’s still making celebrity friends though!

Sure there are a lot of quarterbacks in the league who are much better than him. But there are also some who have been much worse. Those that have been worse are just lucky they are where they are, and not subjected to the mocking, mean spirited, gleefully punny, and hateful eye of the New York sports media.

Most athletes couldn’t handle the level of scrutiny that has been put upon Sanchez. Look at Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton—who looks like he’s facing a firing squad, rather than room full of sports reporters, every time he loses a game. He’s so visibly upset at times that you have to wonder if he’d rather be facing a firing squad—at least it’d be quicker.

Yet, as the crap piles up on Sanchez’s broad shoulders, he remains unaffected by it. Unnervingly so. If he’s ever lost his cool with the media, I’ve certainly never seen it. Questions, accusations, criticism, and gossip roll off the Sanchize like water off a duck’s back. It’s truly uncanny.

Even when he was benched in favor of third string quarterback Greg McElroy in December 2012, Sanchez said:

“From the get-go, from the first play, it just wasn’t my day … I’m really happy for the team and really happy for Greg … He came in and played his butt off.”

One could surmise from that situation that Sanchez had just lost his starting job, perhaps permanently, and here he is congratulating his potential successor. Who does that!?

Sanchez does.

Remember when they brought in Tebow to do…whatever…last summer and the media frenzy surrounding the Jets backup quarterback was so all-consuming that one reporter mistakenly referred to Sanchez as “Tim”? It was awkward to watch and likely extremely awkward for the reporter that made the mistake.

Although it didn’t seem all that awkward for Sanchez, who responded politely, correcting her by simply stating “It’s Mark” and following up with a genuine smile and chuckle. Who does that?!

Sanchez does.

Just hangin' with Jennifer Lopez and Steve Carrell—another day at the office.

Just hangin’ with Jennifer Lopez and Steve Carrell—another day at the office.

Honestly, it’s starting to bother me that nothing bothers him.

Sanchez casually shook off a 2011 scandal in which he was proven to have slept with a 17-year-old high school girl. In May 2013 he showed up to a press conference rocking slicked back, but surprisingly puffy, hair and a neon green headband.

Sanchez’s ridiculous ‘do became the subject of national mockery, but he was pleased as punch with the look, insisting he was “channeling his inner soccer player.”

It was the same presser in which he convincingly stated that he was “thrilled” to be competing with the Jets second round draft pick Geno Smith for the starting job this season.

Of course he’s thrilled. Sanchez’s emotions range anywhere from quite content to positively thrilled—and everything in between.

Last week, while on vacation, he was definitely on the positively thrilled end of the spectrum. Sanchez was partying with a professionally sexy, surgically enhanced brunette (among others) who decided to post some Vines and video of their night on the town—and for that, we thank her.

Apparently the night began in a limo as the group was shuttled around to various wine tastings—pretty classy stuff, huh? Then it evolved (devolved? improved? whatever) into a pantsless dance party at someone’s house. That’s probably how he spends most nights.

Granted, Sanchez was the only one dropping his drawers, but that still qualifies as a pantsless dance party.

Jets training camp is still about a month away, so don’t be expecting any hollow, management-forced apologies from Sanchez. Something tells me that he doesn’t give a damn about what the organization thinks at this point, unless he’s on the clock.

Frankly, it doesn’t seem like he gives a damn about anything except for collecting his bloated paychecks and scoring with hot chicks. He makes so much money and scores with so many hot chicks, that he is literally immune to the criticisms of the outside world.

Just a few of Sanchize's many reported lady friends.

Just a few of Sanchize’s many reported lady friends.

Regrets, he’s had a few. But then again, too few to mention.

Actually, that’s not true. Sanchez has had one regret worth mentioning. Just one though.

That would, of course, be the infamous butt fumble heard ’round the world. In a game against the New England Patriots on Thanksgiving Day 2012, Sanchez botched a play big-time by running straight into the caboose of Brandon Moore, his own offensive lineman.

Considering the way Sanchez dropped like a ton of bricks, Moore’s behind might as well have been a brick wall. He ricocheted off that rear and landed on his back, fumbling the ball in the process. The play would forever be dubbed: The Butt Fumble.

It was a terrible way to make NFL history, and for once Sanchez seemed to recognize that something had happened. Something not good. Maybe even something bad. He admitted that it was “embarrassing,” also adding, “It was weird, it sucked.”

And then he immediately reverted back to the unshakeable Sanchez I’ve come to know and fear a little, closing the conversation with “Hopefully we’ll laugh about it later.”

We're laughing at him and Sanchez is laughing all the way to the bank.

We’re laughing at him and Sanchez is laughing all the way to the bank.

Ya know what? He probably did laugh about it later. He’s probably laughing about it right now. He’s probably laughing about everything and anything right now.

Assuming he’s not in bed with a really hot chick or dancing without his pants at a really fun party. Which he probably is.

Sanchez knows you hate him. He knows everyone hates him. He knows that nobody on earth thinks he’s good at his job and that most of his teammates seem to have a serious distaste for him.

And the fact that he doesn’t seem bothered in the slightest by all that hate is what fuels the fire and makes him even more hated.

The Sanchize is probably going to show up to training camp wearing a T-shirt that says “Sorry H8rs, But I Ain’t Sorry.” Well, probably not, but that’s my dream scenario. He probably wouldn’t even give all the haters hatin’ enough thought to come up with something ridiculous like that.

Mark Sanchez is like a really friendly honey badger—he just don’t care.

Ya know, his hijinks and complete disregard for public sentiment remind me of another Jets quarterback with the same philosophy on life: Mr. “Broadway” Joe Namath. Except Namath was actually good at football.

And I think Namath sees a little of himself in Sanchez too, obviously not the part that was good at football, which is why he continues to publicly support him. He’s expressed doubt in Geno Smith and in an interview in late May, Namath insisted that Sanchez was the better fit for the position with the Jets.

He's done it his way...that's for sure.

He’s done it his way…that’s for sure.

Believe it or not, it’s good to be Mark Sanchez. Very good. Maybe the greatest.

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