Tom Brady Is Not Being Persecuted, Please Shut The Fuck Up

It ain't easy being Tom Brady. No wait...yes it fucking is. Shut up.

It ain’t easy being Tom Brady. No wait…yes it fucking is. Shut the fuck up.

While the rest of us are just trying to put Deflategate behind us and move on with our lives, the crybaby fans of the reigning Super Bowl champion New England Patriots, quite simply, will not shut the fuck up for even a second.

Ever since NFL commissioner Roger Goodell came down hard on the Patriots scandal, which included a four-game suspension for golden boy quarterback Tom Brady, who literally has everything, outraged fans in New England have been letting their fury flags fly.



In addition to acting up on social media, over the weekend fans used Facebook organize a real-world bitch session. “Free Tom Brady” was the cry, and nearly 200 idiots showed up to Gillette Stadium in Foxborough to support the dumbest cause on earth.



First of all, Brady was only suspended four games for what could be a career’s worth of cheating—that’s not so bad. And even though Roger Goodell has refused to let Brady’s appeal be heard by a neutral party, the fact that he and Patriots owner Roger Kraft were recently seen hugging it out suggests some sort of collusion.



Maybe this whole thing was for show and Goodell will reduce or rescind the suspension altogether. Either way, 200 yahoos convening outside a stadium named after $30 razor blades doesn’t seem like something that’s going to have a big impact either way.

So many idiots...

So many idiots…

As if that wasn’t enough, according to, a woman by the name of Patricia M. Shong, of Auburn Massachusetts, died last week and used her last words to support the plight of poor Tom Fucking Brady. No kidding.

The 72-year-old, who enjoyed scrapbooking and playing cards, made sure her family shouted her message to the masses via her obituary: “Brady is innocent!!” Note the added exclamation point there—that’s now you know he couldn’t possibly have cheated.

You know who doesn’t give a shit about Patricia Shong? Tom Brady.

Magical day! #tbt ❤️❤️❤️ Dia mágico!

A photo posted by Gisele Bündchen (@gisele) on

He’s a little busy not giving a shit about any of these fools. Tom Brady is doing just fine, you fiery Irish nut jobs, so how about take stock of your own life instead.

Seriously, he just got a puppy. That’s how little he cares about the circus surrounding him and Deflategate. So get a life, cause your boyfriend Tom Brady already has one. And it’s way better than yours.

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