Sanchez Trying To Accessorize Himself To Greatness

He needs more than a mustache. He needs a miracle.

Nothing else has worked for embattled New York Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez over the last two years or so. When all else fails, change your hair—right?

Hey if it works for ladies working through some emotional stuff and others who just want to shake things up, well then why shouldn’t it work for the Sanchize? You certainly can’t blame the guy for trying. Even if it’s not working.

The 2012 season was particularly brutal, with Sanchez’s touchdowns and total yards plummeting and a spike in his total turnovers. His obvious regression left the Jets with no choice but to draft a quarterback in the 2013 NLF Draft—they selected West Virginia quarterback Geno Smith in the second round.

With his feet to the fire, Sanchez showed up to OTAs in May as confident as ever. A lot of players in his position would try to fly under the radar, but there are few people in sports whose self-confidence is that unflappable.

Instead of keeping a low profile, Sanchez opted to attack attention with a slicked back ‘do, complimented with a ladies headband. He said he was “channeling [his] inner soccer player,” but the consensus was that he was just channeling his inner idiot.

Sanchez threw an interception on his first pass of the preseason, proving that he was going to need more than a headband to turn his luck around.

Enter the Fu Manchu:

The Fu Manchu worked for these guys.

It seems Sanchez has decided to channel past Super Bowl winning quarterbacks like the Baltimore Ravens Joe Flacco, the Green Bay Packers Aaron Rodgers and Joe Namath, the only Jets quarterback to have ever won a championship.

But with Geno Smith on the sidelines in their most recent preseason win over the lowly Jacksonville Jaguars, Sanchez definitely didn’t do anything on the field to prove that he was the obvious option moving forward. Which is where, one would imagine, the Fu Manchu comes into play.

Sanchez seems incapable of proving himself worth of the starting job on the field, so instead he’s resorted to playing the part of past Super Bowl winners. Considering his well known love of musical theater, this kind of method acting exercise seems right up his alley.

Let’s just hope this isn’t the only thing he’s got up his sleeve…because this really hasn’t been working so far.