This Week in Bad Decisions
This was bad. It could’ve been worse.
Purveyor of amazingness TMZ was the first to report that Baltimore Ravens wide receiver Jacoby Jones was hurt during an impromptu brawl that erupted on a party bus in Washington D.C. over the weekend. He and some teammates were in the District celebrating Bryant McKinnie’s birthday.
The incident went down around 3 AM as the fellas, and a stripper named Sweat Pea, boarded the bus after leaving Opera Ultra Lounge. Not long after, an ambulance was called to the scene to tend to Jones, who was reportedly “bleeding everywhere.”
Jacoby Jones and Sweet Pea in happier times.
Apparently he was bashed in the head with a bottle of champagne by (not so) Sweet Pea—which may or may not have incited the brawl. Sources told TMZ that “Jacoby’s friends tried to retaliate against [her] but Bryant McKinnie tried to stop him, and a fight broke out between the friend and Bryant.”
Wow. The Ravens were THISCLOSE to this being a story about how a bunch of their players beat up a stripper on a party bus. Someone needs to send Mr. McKinnie a “Thank you for using your brain, sorry I ruined your birthday” card.
Well this is interesting/horrifying.
On Sunday ESPN’s Darren Rovell tweeted out a photo of “The Raider Rusher,” which is Oakland’s most recent attempt to distract fans from the fact that they’ve been one of the sorriest sad-sack teams in the NFL for over a decade. Interesting strategy.
Well…it certainly is distracting!
There has been some speculation on how official this thing’s status as mascot really is. Rovell followed up his tweet with a brief post that explained Raider Rusher was “co-produced by the NFL and Nickelodeon,” which is aimed at making the team “more kid-friendly.”
A giant novelty head covered in spikes is the Raiders version of kid-friendly.
Who is breeding future superstar athletes?
Over the weekend TMZ reported that L.A. Clippers star Blake Griffin became the proud poppa of a bouncing baby boy named Ford Wilson Cameron-Griffin. The child was born on August 1st and his parents had ended their relationship sometime before that.
The mother is former USC basketball player Brynn Cameron, who already has a six-year-old boy named Cole. Her older child has a famous father too—career backup quarterback Matt Leinart. The couple dated for awhile but their relationship also ended before the baby was born.
Brynn certainly has an eye for lucrative child support payments…I mean athletes. If this pattern persists, that means the father of her third child in 2019 is a senior (and star athlete, naturally) in high school right now.
Two dudes whose priorities are all outta whack.
Of all the disconcerting events involving NFL players in the last week—and there were plenty to choose from—two of the most easily avoided involved Detroit Lions wide receiver Nate Burleson and Arizona Cardinals safety Rashad Johnson.
On Tuesday Burleson suffered a broken arm when his car hit a median wall on a highway outside of Detroit. It really would’ve been no big deal if the single-car accident was caused by almost anything other than what it was—which was Burleson crashing while trying to save the lives of the two precious pizza boxes riding shotgun.
At least he wasn’t drunk. A win’s a win.
And on Sunday Johnson was injured during a game against the New Orleans Saints. He said he remembered his hand feeling a little numb after a tackle, but didn’t thin anything of it until blood starting pouring out of his glove. At that point is when “trainers cut off the glove to find the flesh of Johnson’s left middle fingertip severed at the knuckle.”
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! That’s just horrifying.
I’ll never unsee this one…
Also horrifying? The photo of the injury Johnson posted to Twitter the next day. If you’re wondering why he’s so nonchalant about all this, it’s because that body part he’s suddenly missing “probably wasn’t getting used for anything good anyway.”
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! That’s just horrifying.
