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Bruce Irvin Backlash Demonstrates The Problem With April Fools Day

Amber Lee Blog NBA News NFL
Image courtesy of Tom Brady via Facebook

Image courtesy of Tom Brady via Facebook

There are two types of people in this world. Those who love and attempt to participate in the enduring plague known as April Fools Day, and those who know it ranks somewhere between Dane Cook and genital warts on the funny scale.

And just to be clear, genital warts rank far funnier on that scale than Dane Cook—especially if they’re someone else’s…like Dane Cook’s.

First of all, having a specific day dedicated to pranking people kind of defeats the purpose. The element of surprise is vital to the success of most, if not all, pranks. Setting aside a day really sucks the fun out of things—like making an appointment for sex with your significant other.

Then there’s the fact that next to none of these so-called pranks/jokes are even the slightest bit humorous. I’ll give whoever does Tom Brady’s social media stuff credit for creative photoshop work, but for every funny post on Facebook, there’s about 200 idiots announcing they’re pregnant.

In fact, the pregnancy thing has become such an irritant that someone finally decided to do something about it:

Yeah. THIS happened.

Yeah. THIS happened.

So, asshole, when’s your prank baby due? Yeah…that’s what I thought.

Unfortunately, many within the sports world are just as stupid as all those idiots on Facebook you went to high school with. It seems no one is immune to this nonsense, and plenty of athletes, analysts and teams got in on the stupidity this year.

Har Har, Colts. White uniforms instead of blue and white uniforms? That’s the craziest thing that has ever happened! This one is neither believable nor funny. If they didn’t care about believability, they should have put “COLTS” on the butt of their pants, like those Juicy sweatpants human Bratz Dolls used to wear.

Unemployed NFL wide receiver Greg Jennings posted this nonsense about a potential landing spot on Twitter, after a ridiculously long build up. This video was the last in a series of nine tweets dedicated to the supposed announcement and the countdown which preceded it.

Don’t bother clicking on the link because it takes you to a blank page. Probably because he’s got no takers for his services. Maybe this would have been more entertaining if anyone cared where he ended up, but the guy hasn’t been relevant since Aaron Rodgers was slinging it to him.

Patriots wide receiver Julian Edelman posted this number on Twitter just before noon. At least he was upfront about it being a stupid joke.

Well, he was upfront about it being a joke. I’m being up front about it being stupid. You’re better than this, Julian.

Many Magic fans were irrationally upset about a picture of Elfrid Payton to their social media accounts Wednesday. The photo shows Payton with his trademark locks shorn, resulting in a high and tight look that would’ve made Johnny Unitas proud.

But the freakout was all for not, as Payton’s precious hair remains unmolested by the powers that be.

https://twitter.com/SacramentoKings/status/583330490985365504

The Sacramento Kings came out of nowhere with some nonsense about installing the world’s smartest cowbell on their new arena. What, exactly, would make a cowbell smart? Whatever. Moving on.

Honeslty, I’m already sick of talking about April Fools Day and sickened by the amount of time I’ve dedicated to chronicling this nonsense. But I will admit there was at least one athlete whose prank was absolutely hilarious.

Seahawks linebacker Bruce Irvin really knocked it out of the park with his preemptive announcement about a DUI. The above tweet was posted first thing in the morning, supposedly to beat a forthcoming media announcement.

He laid it on a little, offering some, but not too many, details about the alleged incident. Irvin’s promise to be a better person was perfection.

Then he lowered the BOOM! Perfectly executed and the whole thing played out in just under 30 minutes.

Even though it was legitimately funny, fans absolutely freaked out, because that’s why Twitter exists—to give irrationally angry nutbags a platform to lecture strangers. Within 15 minutes Irvin was forced to apologize, likely confounded by the level of vitriol being thrown his way.

An hour and 15 minutes later, Irvin apologized again. Which was two more sorries than he owed anyone, but that’s all you can do when trying to quell an inexplicably deranged backlash.

Eventually Irvin rightly decided just to walk away, having learned people can’t take a joke.

And that’s exactly why April Fools Day is so fucking stupid—people don’t want to laugh, they want to lecture.

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