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Super Bowl MVP Tom Brady, Recently Awarded Pants On Fire Award Too, Not That He Gives A Shit

Image courtesy of Zimbio

Image courtesy of Zimbio

Given what a major story ‘Deflategate’ was in the two weeks leading up to the Super Bowl in February, the logical assumption was that the findings of the official investigation into what did or did not happen with the balls on the New England sideline during the Patriots AFC Championship game against the Colts would have been completed quickly.

Or at least with some degree of urgency. Obviously that’s vague and difficult to define, but five months later definitely seems to be confidently outside those parameters. Anything in the February-March arena would’ve been acceptable.

Of course, by now it’s fair to say that when it comes to the NFL, particularly under the leadership of maniacal super villain/commissioner Roger Goodell, logic isn’t a priority. Neither is a uniform policy in punishing players, seriously implementing any policies that go beyond money making sponsorships, or even telling the truth in general.

It seems the investigation into Deflategate has finally concluded, and it looks like Pats owner Robert Kraft isn’t going to get that apology he so smugly demanded a few months ago. Appearing at a press conference ahead of Super Bowl XLIX, Kraft had this to say:

“If the Wells investigation is not able to definitively determine that our organization tampered with the air pressure on the footballs, I would expect and hope that the league would apologize to our entire team, in particular coach [Bill] Belichick and Tom Brady for what they have had to endure this past week.”

Kraft was referring to attorney Ted Wells, who found that, while the Patriots may not have been promoting the practice on an institutional level, it doesn’t make the organization any less culpable for what happened. There may not have been a wide-scale cover up, but it happened.

In a stunningly-long 243-page report, McNally reveals that Jim McNally, the officials locker room attendant, and John Jastremski, an equipment assistant, worked together on a regular basis to deflate balls to the level preferred by Brady.

Referencing damming phone and text messages between the two, a pattern of intentional tampering was easily established. The lengths of which, not to mention the direct mention of the quarterback’s name himself, it’s impossible to imagine either would go through with such activities without both the “awareness and consent” of Brady himself.

Prior to the Super Bowl, Brady conducted a press conference in which he flatly denied any and all knowledge and/or consent of such activities. Never in the history of the world had one man said the word “balls” so many times during a single event. Brady smiled and charmed himself through every last question, denying accusations one-by-one.

Today Brady is still lying and denying—why not?

Exhaustive as the investigation was, Wells stopped one small step shy of calling Brady out definitively for what we all know he is in this situation. With no one to go on record and rat him out and Brady unwilling to simply admit to doing something so many other quarterbacks have since admitted to, Wells went as far as he could.

Of course, Wells is an attorney, so he has to be judicious with his wording. If calling out Tom Brady as a cooperating participant, let alone the brains behind the operation, wouldn’t hold up in a court of law, Wells isn’t likely to say it. But since nobody is going to be tried for Deflategate, it’s time to call a spade a spade.

Tom Brady is a lying liar who lies.

The text messages exchanged by McNally and Jastremski alone are more than enough to put Brady in the center of this. He knew exactly what was going on, when it was going on, and who was doing his bidding. The texts prove an obvious familiarity between the men in question. These weren’t a couple of rogue agents. These were two guys doing their jobs, which included deflating footballs.

When asked about the report, Brady laughed it off with that trademark smile of his, noting only, “I don’t have really any reaction.” Any reaction beyond smiling and laughing about just how insignificant a story he never acknowledged existed five months ago remains.

After all, Brady spent Saturday jaunting around the country on a private jet. First to the Kentucky Derby with a gaggle of current and former teammates, then headed west for the Mayweather-Pacquiao fight at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas. And eventually he probably went home and crawled into bed with his wife, one of the most beautiful women in the world.

Of course he laughed.

Brady is a busy guy with places to go and people to see, which is why he pays people like his agent, Don Yee, to lie for him in the offseason. Yee baselessly dismissed the NFL’s investigation as “biased” and “flawed,” adding that “in [his] opinion,” his client was completely innocent of anything…and everything…ever.

Again, not that any of it matters. Anyone who has reported that the Deflategate scandal doesn’t taint, let alone void, the Patriots Super Bowl win is right. Just like ‘Spygate’ back in 2007 had absolutely no impact on the three Super Bowls wins prior—certainly not in retrospect.

Brady can claim he’s still “digesting” the report all he wants, but as far as he’s concerned, this is something he and the Patriots shit out months ago.

And for those of us existing outside of Patriots Nation, we’re left with the same thing we’re always left with, Tom Brady laughing in our collective face. At least we’re used to it by now.

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