Mike Krzyzewski
Home » Blog » Duke Still Good at Basketball, Coach K Still A Dick

Duke Still Good at Basketball, Coach K Still A Dick

Amber Lee Blog NCAAB News

By now everyone on earth knows that Duke recently won its fifth NCAA Tournament title, defeating Wisconsin 68-63.College hoops fans would’ve known the outcome either way, but the rest of the world only knows because Duke won, and that’s because the only thing that unites us as a nation anymore is our shared hatred of the Blue Devils.

So a big thanks to the Badgers for blowing it…for America. 

There are many reasons to hate Duke. Without getting into a comprehensive list, here are just some of the aforementioned reasons:

10. Christian Laettner. Dude was recently the subject of a 30 for 30 documentary, aptly titled “I Hate Christian Laettner.” Ya know why? It’s because everyone (except Duke fans) hates Christian Laettner.

9. That trademark Duke floor slapping™ and fish flopping™. Those Blue Devils spend more time publicly moaning on their backs than Kim Kardashian and Amber Rose combined.

8. The tournament committee loves the Blue Devils and wanna have like 10,000 of their babies. The favoritism they’re shown in seeding and regional placement is blatant and ridiculous.

7. The Cameron Crazies are the most insufferable bunch of jagoff fans you will ever see together in one place—and will probably hate working for at some point. The color blue should sue them for defamation.

6. Not to mention all their idiot bandwagon celebrity fans, like Tony Romo and Jason Garrett—of course the Cowboys quarterback and coach are Duke fans. They’re probably fans of deforestation and nuclear runoff too.

5. The zebras live in Coach K’s back pocket.

4. Because for some reason, it only matters when they win. What about when they get ousted in the first round two out of four years? ::shrug::

3. The ridiculously unfair recruiting advantage gained because Duke’s coach and Team USA basketball’s coach is one in the same.

2. Duke is the ultimate over-dog. Their students are privileged and entitled, just like their basketball program.

1. Mike Krzyzewski. Anything and everything that has to do with Coach K is alone reason enough to hate the program.

The thing about Coach K is that he is the worst. They guy sucks every which way but including loose. Not necessarily as a coach, but as a human being.

First of all, he’s got to be the only coach in college sports that can unilaterally decide to never do a halftime interview again and get away with it. With rare exception, Krzyzewski hasn’t given a halftime interview in decades. His reasoning? They suck and he doesn’t like them. Seriously.

Then there’s his dual role as Team USA basketball’s coach, which is wrong on so many levels. Not the least of which is the obvious recruiting advantage it provides Duke. Coach K revels in the position, often making superstar NBA players jump through hoops for a spot on the team.

And when the U.S. cleans up in international competition, Krzyzewski gets far too much credit for their success. He’s cherry-picking from the best players in the entire world, which is basically his only responsibility in the process.

Remember last year when Duke was embarrassed, losing in the first round to Mercer? Coach K couldn’t have been more complimentary to the bunch of nobodies that defeated his mighty Blue Devils. He called them “a hell of a basketball team,” harping on their “experience,” “strength,” and calling them “men.”

Such humility! Of course, it’s easy to be humble after a loss.

Surely Coach K had the same sort of kind words for the opponents his Duke team beat along the way this year, right? Wrong!

Appearing on “CBS This Morning” on Tuesday, Krzyzewski took the opportunity to take potshots at so-called “one-and-done” programs, presumably referring to John Calipari’s program at Kentucky. Even though Duke didn’t even play Kentucky.

Wisconsin coach Bo Ryan didn’t seem to think Coach K was referring to his badgers. “We don’t do a rent-a-player. You know what I mean,” said Ryan. “If other people do that, that’s okay. I like trying to build from within. It’s just the way I am. “

Whatever though, dude had/has axes to grind. “Duke doesn’t rent a player,” a holier-than-thou Krzyzewski said. “All of these kids… my guys are great. They go to school, they love Duke, they live with other students, and the rent-a-thing is kind of harsh.”

Kind of harsh? You know what’s kind of harsh? The venom Krzyzewski routinely spits from that gaping hole in his face he uses mostly to scream obscenities. That venom is often directed at Duke’s opponents or the media, but he also saves plenty for his own players.

What’s fascinating about Coach K is that he is, undeniably (or arguably, whatever), the best coach in college basketball history. He’s worshipped like a god at Duke, with the student tailgate area on campus annoyingly named “Krzyzewskiville.” And in 2003 the university’s school of business named its leadership and ethics center after him.

https://twitter.com/AltonVaden/status/585614378696843267

He earns upwards of $10 million a year and in 2001 signed a lifetime contract, guaranteeing him employment until death do they part. Look for Krzyzewski to be intramural basketball games in hell at some point.

The fascinating part is that, despite living like Cleopatra at her peak, Coach K doesn’t seem particularly happy about his enviable situation. Actually, it’s not so much that he’s not all sunshine and rainbows every day, it’s that usually he’s a miserable fucking prick.

What the hell does Mike Krzyzewski have to be so pissed off about? Why does he always have to be such a dick? How come he is constantly screaming at officials when his team gets all the calls? Does he always have to stand with his hands on his hips?

Well, at least we have one answer.

Anyway, congratulations to Duke! You get all the best recruits and you won a championship, which you should do every year because you get all the best recruits. But whatever consistency you lack on the court, you more than make up for on the sideline.

Coach K is, was, and will forever be…a dick.

https://vine.co/v/eBMwwLnvupg

Also, he dances like an idiot. Coach K is a dick who dances like an idiot.

  • 100%