Tiger Woods & Sergio Garcia Shake Hands: So What?

This isn’t a story. Get back to me if they literally kiss and make up.

The saga of PGA legend Tiger Woods and his sudden (unworthy) adversary Sergio Garcia has been going on since the Players Championship in mid-May. It started with some relatively silly verbal jabs after the event, which should have died as a news story within 48 hours.

Garcia’s complaints about crowd noise and Woods pulling out a club as he was teeing off were absolutely absurd, particularly considering the fact that they finished tied for the lead on the day they were paired together. Woods barely bit back, only offering that it wasn’t really “surprising that [Garcia was] complaining about something.”

The reality of the situation was that Garcia was just angry about his epic collapse late in the final round at TPC Sawgrass and he was looking to take out his frustration on someone. Woods, who he has described as “not the nicest guy on tour,” was the perfect target—having won and all.

Despite the childish sniping, the story could have died weeks ago if Garcia didn’t seem intent on upping the ante. Woods certainly wasn’t going to keep engaging the media, because when has he ever really engaged the media? He gets far more press than he wants as it is.

This is Tiger’s official policy on dealing with the media.

He may have choked at the event, but Garcia seemed to be relishing the spotlight in the immediate aftermath. Once dubbed as an up-and-coming star, the 33-year-old has yet to win a Major since joining the PGA Tour in 1999. Eventually his star just flamed out, but his name recognition went from barely existing to global notoriety in less than a month.

Which has to make you wonder about the now infamous “fried chicken” remark. A week after the Players Championship, Garcia used it in a way that has well known racial connotations, insisting he could “have [Woods] round [for dinner] every night” during the U.S. Open if they served fried chicken.

The story of how he was a poor sport would’ve just faded away, if Garcia had just shut his sand trap and focused on his game—like how to stay out of the drink when you’re competing for a win. But his “not racist” remark has ensured this event has been has and rehashed by the media continuously for the last month, all fueled from one side.

First he and European Tour officials tried to pass it off as a lighthearted joke, but offered a semi-apology for any oversensitive babies out there who misunderstood it. Then came the official apology, a statement released through the tour reiterating how not racist the comment was, but that Garcia was still sorry for it anyway.

And I mean that with *all due respect*

Although, if it was so innocuous at the time, you have to wonder after if it was say why a tour employee said to the media present, “You didn’t hear that.”

At this point, the intention behind the remark is completely irrelevant. Garcia has had a month’s worth of publicity, which may have been what he was after all along. He’s been on his apology tour, which most recently included a “hand written note” that he slipped in Woods’ locker—like a high school Valentine…apologizing for a racist remark.

Woods would never release something like that to the media, but CBS Sports’ Kyle Porter had a pretty good take on what it would (probably) look like. Spoiler alert: It includes an awesome drawing of a tiger.

Another apology, another firestorm of media coverage. Suddenly Garcia is the most talked about golfer in the world, despite the Woods being completely unwilling to play his reindeer games. When asked about the incident and apology prior to the start of the U.S. Open, Woods replied curtly, “It’s already done … we tee it up in two days.”

Woods wishes it was done. I wish it was done. I can only imagine everyone else looking back fondly on the time a month ago before they knew Sergio Garcia even existed on this planet wishes it was done.

Unfortunately, it’s not quite done. Yesterday Woods and Garcia shook hands on the practice range, out of nothing but sheer obligation, and it made international news. How is that news? Two golfers shaking hands on a practice range is the antithesis of news.

Look…two grown men are shaking hands. Shocking.

If they had gotten into a shouting match, that would be news. If Woods had purposefully pulled out a club every time Garcia was about to swing, that would be news. If they had each taken out their drivers and fought to the death right there on the green, that would have been news.

So they shook hands. So what?

This may come as a complete shock to you, but it wasn’t even their first time!

Wait, what?

Or their second time.

No, seriously! What?

Geez, not even their third time?

You have got to be kidding me here.

Good gravy, these guys have engaged in no less than four handshakes. Four. It’s so enthralling that Michael Bay is probably securing the movie rights to this epic biopic as we speak—I smell another terrible summer blockbuster!

For all we know this was their billionth handshake. What’s great is that they all look severely pained. As if they are each being forced to shake hands with a very hungry and snappy alligator, just hoping for the best.

Suppose it’s more headlines for Garcia to revel in and more white noise for Woods to tune out as he looks to end his five-year drought this weekend. Since something tells me Garcia isn’t going to be ending his career-long drought on Sunday.